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Mom Coming Out Party

 

There are certain expectations of women, especially mothers, which exist in our society. A picture-perfect home, a home-cooked meal, and presentable kids in ironed clothing, sans chocolate face … Many of us have been bucking the system out of downright necessity. We’ve been doing things that prime time television would look down on us for and “perfect” mothers would judge us over. Friends,  the time has come to reveal the secret life of mothers. It’s time to come out of the closet, sisters. So here are five things I’ve been doing surreptitiously:

1.      I don’t wash my bras any differently than my socks.

Look, I know you’re supposed to put those suckers in a lingerie bag and wash on the gentle cycle after caressing them and whispering sweet nothings into their cups like it says to on the label. Some of you overachievers even hand-wash them, filling the sink with a warm soapy water to submerge and soak your cute little boulder holders. I wear a 46DDD. My sink could barely hold one bra if I didn’t mind the underwire cups sticking out of the top. Plus, who has time for this? Who hasn’t washed a load of clothes at 5 a.m. so it would be ready in time to leave for school drop-off (yeah, right. Who wears a bra to school drop-off?) or work? Who has the foresight to do this ahead of time? How many bras do you own? Who doesn’t need their friggin’ sink? So I throw my bras right in the washer on a regular cycle mixed with the rest of my clothes. And then (gasp!) I toss them right in the dryer! Let’s just all agree that this is a bullshit suggestion on the part of manufacturers and skip it.

2.      I strategically avoid certain PTO volunteer “opportunities.”

I’m a huge cheerleader for teachers. I know they deserve all of the appreciation luncheons they can get but at thirty-seven, there are just certain things that I won’t do.

Continue reading at Suburban Misfit Mom.

 

 

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