1
6
3
1
5

Mom Tinder

Mom Tinder Peanut App

So recently I became aware of an app called Peanut.  Peanut is essentially an app to connect with other moms. You’re supposed to be able to find “like-minded mamas near you,” or my friend Jill refers to as “Mom Tinder.” I was absolutely horrified. I never participated in the online dating craze and the whole thing leaves me feeling pretty …

3

Who still blogs?

I wanted to waste a post being completely narcissistic and introducing myself since coming in to your lives two weeks ago. I think that’s what I’m supposed to do and even though many of you know me, you may not fully understand what a steaming asshole I am. You may also wonder why I bothered launching a blog in 2017. Well, the truth is I’m not young or succinct enough to say my piece in 140 characters. The second reason is that I finally realize that I have a voice again and no one is stopping me from using it.
One of the best parts about leaving education after more than a decade is that I can finally be myself. As a teacher, you’re constantly censoring yourself. You’re covering tattoos, you’re careful to not reveal too much about your personal beliefs, you watch your social media interactions and words. Hell, some of my former coworkers were even concerned about going to Happy Hour on the off-chance they’d run into a parent that would try to burn them at the stake like a witch in Salem for having a margarita after school on Friday. I couldn’t live like that. (Aside from all of the other bullshit that comes with working in public education … that’s another post). Leaving that life behind, I realized the possibilities that were open to me. I can dye my hair lemon yellow (though I would never … too many grays). I can wear short sleeves. I can speak publically about my beliefs without fear of retribution. I can use the language I choose, participate in the online discussions I want and freely flip the bird to anyone on 1960 that I choose. (Sidenote: I already did all of these things, which is teaching cramped my style to damned always). This propelled me toward creating a place where I can freely do this.
So who am I? I’m DL, a late thirtysomething wife and mom. I’m a terrible wife but a pretty damn good parent who says plenty of bad words and won’t apologize for it. I don’t cook or clean but my talents lie in other areas. As much as I love my kid (anyone who has heard me screaming at dance competitions knows I’m her biggest fan) I refuse to let these roles define me. I’m absolutely horrified when I hear women claim that since having kids they have no time to work out or can’t “find time” to do this or that. They stopped painting, or running or being a lush. Whatever the case, blaming it on your kids is a cop out. You stopped because of YOU. I guess I never stopped doing the things I liked to do – for better or worse. (Sidenote: working out was just an example I often hear. I’m not advocating participating in this terrible activity by any means and as I’m sure you know – I don’t).
I’m glued to the internet/social media as much as possible. I enjoy being in the know and connecting with like-minded people (or sometimes, if I’m feeling feisty, people who think nothing like me). But most of all, I’m a problem-solver. If I see an issue that doesn’t make sense, I want to speak up about it. I enjoy being the squeaky wheel. I want to offer solutions to make life better and I refuse to accept the “I was told that we can’t” answer. I have no problem asking for what I want – once, twice, thrice …
I have two useless degrees. My undergrad is in professional writing and my graduate degree in in literature. The professions born out of these degrees aren’t money-making but luckily, I don’t have to be too concerned with that at this point in my life. I’ve read some great stuff and try to share some of my favorites with people as a general favor to society. You’re welcome.
My hobbies include watching low-brow trash television and trying to balance it out with public broadcasting, listening to conservative talk radio (despite not being what most people would call conservative) and podcasts while I’m multitasking. I enjoy happy hour, I enjoy when my friends come over and we eat and drink and sing (bonus points if they’re the friends I don’t have to wear a bra around). I enjoy challenging myself with ridiculous new projects that involve something my daughter is working on in school or dance, and giving my opinion on everything, even when it’s unsolicited. Nay, PARTICULARLY when it’s unsolicited.
I believe in comfortable shoes and not saying “yes” to anything I don’t absolutely want to do.
I was a pretty avid blogger from 2001-2007 but life got … busy.
My family tells me I’m mean but I hate the idea of being “the mean girl,” so I have some obsession with inclusion.
I live for obligation-free weekends and wonder how the hell it is that you people are always doing some new, exciting adventure every weekend without wanting to blow your brains out.
I’m a dance mom. And a drama mom. And if my daughter has her way – the mom of a someday-star on Nickelodeon.
I believe that the rules were made to be bent, not broken.
I don’t drink wine but I won’t judge you for choosing the worst drink available. You drink your wine and I’ll have my booze. I still get to keep my lady parts.
I’m a feminist amateur crafter who fucks up more than I create anything successfully, but I find the process of failing oddly satisfying.
I enjoy following politics and long mid-day siestas.
I believe in being a good person and wished I worked secretly in the night as a vigilante to punish wrong-doers and assholes who cut in the elementary drop-off line.
I rarely hold my tongue, and freely admit that it’s gotten me into trouble before but I’m not smart enough to know when to shut up. I believe in being 100 percent authentic, even if it’s disgusting. And it usually is.
I think (and hope) I’m the voice of people out there but I’m OK with the fact that I might not be. I might be the loudmouth asshole that’s too wrapped up in things that don’t matter. At this point in my life – I’m all right with all of it. That’s who still blogs.

7

Shaving Face

I wouldn’t call myself the up to date on all of the latest trends in fashion or beauty. I prefer to wear torn jeans, t-shirts and Jesus Sandals everywhere. I’m much more of a fan of function over form and I think anyone know knows me would agree. But lately I’ve been reading more about Dermaplaning, which is essentially a …

3

Realistic Parenting Styles

Like many who came before me, my theoretical parenting style (“Understanding Mom” with a touch of “I-Work-And-Don’t-Have-Time-For-This-Shit”) differs greatly from the style I’ve finally adopted (a cross between “Everything’s on Fire!” and “I-Made-This-Shit-With-My-Own-Two-Motherfucking-Hands”). As I’ve grown older, I’ve become more comfortable being myself. I’ve found parents more like me and tossed the inauthentic, insufferable bitches in the discard pile. About …

5

Work smarter, not harder

The last five years or so have brought modern conveniences that have been criticized by judgmental moms and crazy single people that think they have a busy life but have no idea what being responsible for another human being is like.

2

Watching April

I had a million things to do today. I needed to drive across Houston and up the worst highway in town, 290, to pick of my license plates for my new car. I needed to run to Party City. I needed to pick up my contacts from the eye doctor that have been in since Christmas. I needed to clean and …